As you read this, are you holding a grudge against anybody? If so, why? Grudges, resentments, and lingering anger against people who have hurt you fester inside you and make you ill, emotionally and spiritually, if not physically. They do not accomplish anything, really. And no matter what the offending party may have done to you, grudges and resentments do not enable you to claim the moral high ground. On the contrary, they are a distinctly unchristian way of approaching the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of learning from our past experiences so as not to repeat our mistakes. Once bitten, twice shy. I am not suggesting that you give someone who has burned you the opportunity to burn you again. I am suggesting, however, that you forgive people who have hurt you and move on with your life.
There are at least two good reasons for doing this. One is that you will feel relieved of the burden of anger and negativity that you direct to those who have hurt you whenever you think about them. The second is that it is your Christian obligation.
Jesus makes it clear that He expects His followers to have a mentality of forgiveness. When Peter approached Jesus and asked Him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
You may recall the parable of the unforgiving servant. That is the story Jesus tells of the servant who owed his master a great debt and begged for additional time to make good on it. Having compassion, the master forgave the servant his entire debt. However, that same servant, when confronting a fellow servant who owed him a relatively small amount, refused to forgive his fellow servant, but instead had him sent to prison. When the master heard of it, he punished the unforgiving servant. Commenting on the story, Jesus warns us, “Unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart, My heavenly Father will hand you over to the torturers until you have paid back your whole debt.”
Jesus makes it plain throughout the Gospels that our forgiveness will be rewarded, but our lack of forgiveness will come back against us. “Blessed are the merciful,” Jesus said at the Sermon on the Mount, “for they will be shown mercy.” Similarly, Jesus tells us, “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.” We are reminded of this Christian obligation each time we pray the Our Father, as we say “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” So many of us seem to overlook that part.
In Jesus’ philosophy, there is no place for holding grudges. Each Sunday at Mass we gather together to pray to God. And Jesus tells us, “When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.” So any grudges we might be holding against those who hurt us should not last beyond the next time we stand up in Church to pray!
By His words and actions, Jesus was always trying to give us an example of forgiveness, and a demonstration of the Father’s forgiveness, that we might have something to emulate. “Those who are well do not need a physician,” Jesus says, “but the sick do. Go and learn the meaning of the words, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” Just as Jesus seeks to reach out in forgiveness to those who have sinned, He expects us to forgive anyone who has sinned against us. Jesus seeks out the lost sheep who have gone astray, to forgive them and bring them back to the fold. If we can forgive our own lost sheep, it will be a blessing both to them and to us.
Consider the parable of the prodigal son. When the younger son demands his share of the inheritance and leaves home, he is in essence saying that his father may as well be dead. “I don’t want you, I don’t need you, just give me the money, and I’m out of here.” What a slap in the face. Imagine, if you are a father, how hurtful that would be. The prodigal son runs off and squanders his inheritance living a very sinful life, and then comes back to the father he had insulted, because he has nowhere else to turn.
The older son is angry that his father has welcomed back this ne’er-do-well. Who among us who have loved, respected, and obeyed our parents can blame him? But Jesus says the power of love and forgiveness must be stronger in our hearts. “My son,” dad tells son number one, “you are here with me always; everything I have is yours. But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead, and has come to life again; he was lost, and has been found.” This is a very hard lesson, especially for those of us who have a degree in righteous indignation.
But now pause for a moment and think of someone you have loved—a sibling, a childhood friend, a parent, even a favorite entertainer or movie star—whose life came to ruin because of drugs, alcohol, pornography, or any other vice we could name. If you truly loved that person and were saddened by her fall, wouldn’t you want God to welcome her home with loving arms? Of course you would! In the same way, if someone who has hurt you badly comes back to you asking forgiveness, you must forgive. Forgiveness heals, it lifts a weight off your life, and it brings peace.
Remember this: “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” Imagine you are hanging on a wooden cross, with spikes through your wrists and ankles, you are publicly humiliated, you are in excruciating pain, and each time you pull yourself up to fight for breath your bare back scrapes raw against the rough wood of your cross. It doesn’t get much worse than this.
Yet He forgave those who did this to Him.
Editor’s Note: This article is adapted from a chapter in John Adams Rizzo’s book, Wisdom Learned at the Feet of the Lord: 33 Lessons for Peace, Hope, Love, and Eternal Life, available from Amazon.
Photo by NADER AYMAN on Unsplash
