God’s individual will for each of our lives is not as difficult to discern as we might sometimes believe. God does not make His will hidden, obscure, tricky, or “almost” the same thing as something else. In fact, St. Paul tells us that when we are not following the will of God, it is “obvious.” But if it is so obvious, then why are we so often unsure about how to respond in circumstances that tempt us to react with “rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, [or] occasions of envy” (Gal. 5:19-21)?
We all have people in our lives whose behavior always seems to trigger in us the temptation to react with a couple of those “obvious” works of the flesh which St. Paul lists in his letter to the Galatians. Each time they do X, Y, or Z, we fall into a pattern of habitual responses. We are shocked, we are in disbelief, we are scandalized (How could they say such a thing? Why would they do that?). The initial shock we experience soon turns into irritation, impatience, frustration, anger, and judgment. Perhaps we think, “I’m done trying to maintain a friendship with them. Look how they have stepped on my efforts!”
But if this is our reaction, then the problem lies with us, not them. Why? Because if there are people in our lives who we perceive as “always” behaving a certain way, then why should we be shocked that they would act in the way that they have always acted? It is like my being shocked that it is snowing in January simply because I prefer warm and sunny days. Why must January irritate me by being so cold? Of course, January is not “being cold” to intentionally irritate me. January is just being January. Cold is what January does.
So what is a follower of Christ to do? After all, I cannot make myself like cold weather. While it is true that cold is always going to feel cold, I can start by not being so shocked and scandalized by the weather every time I turn the page on my calendar on New Year’s Eve. Instead, I can anticipate what is coming to get ahead of the temptation before it overcomes me. How do I do this?
Anticipate one another in showing honor. (Rom. 12:10)
If my relatives are coming for Thanksgiving dinner, and Uncle Ed “always” insists on the turkey drumstick (when he knows darn well there are only two), I have two choices. I can follow my instinctive reaction—which is to quickly serve the two drumsticks to other guests of my choosing, just to “teach” Ed a lesson in patience and what it means to be selfless. Or…I can “anticipate” his request—the same one he makes every year so it should not shock me—and serve him the drumstick before he even asks for it. Maybe I have not taught him a lesson in patience and selflessness, but I have taught myself one.
My job is not to teach 75-year-old Ed a “lesson” in anything. And if I make that my goal, then the only thing I will accomplish is to provoke that which he already struggles with, the result of which will be to bring out the worst in him. In such a case, will I really go to bed peacefully that Thanksgiving night, believing I have accomplished God’s will?
My job, as a Christian, is just one thing: I must love my neighbor. In our humanity, we measure our love for others based on how they make us feel. But in the spiritual life, our love for others is based on how we make them feel. Of course, offering someone the love of Christ does not mean they will accept it, and if we base the success of our actions on their response, we are going to end up right back in that cycle of committing the obvious works of the flesh that St. Paul warns us against. So if we should not expect a change in their behavior once we anticipate their needs and treat them with love, what should we expect?
We should expect it to cost us. If I buy my friend a gift for her birthday, I must first take out my wallet and hand over my credit card to the salesperson. Handing my friend an old sweater from my closet that I don’t like anymore for the sake of giving her an obligatory birthday present would not be a special gift, nor a thoughtful act of love.
We should not be surprised if there is a “price to pay” when we love others. Sometimes it is easy; these are the times that we are filled with God’s grace. But oftentimes it costs us dearly; it is at times such as these that Jesus is calling us to grow. So let’s not work against the opportunity which He offers us in these moments. What awaits us on the other side of them is greater freedom, greater peace, greater joy—in a word, God Himself, the ultimate desire of our hearts.
Admittedly, it is a lot easier to arrive at this peaceful clarity during our sacred hour alone with Jesus first thing in the morning. But what about those moments in which we are in the middle of our trial, and the conviction we had been holding onto slips from our grasp?
The best-kept secret to remaining peaceful and trusting in our trials is to give God praise and thanks in all things. We cannot hear it enough, because it is simply not our instinctive reaction to be thankful in moments of disturbance and turmoil, no matter how many times we have been down this road before and have seen for ourselves the fruit of gratitude. Just like the teenager learning to drive, until it becomes “automatic,” giving thanks in circumstances we do not like is going to be unnerving.
It takes a lot of practice to make praise and thanks an “automatic” response when trials come our way. So let’s not worry about whether or not our words of thanks feel artificial, because we are not thanking God with our feelings; we are thanking Him as an act of the will. In fact, the less we feel like thanking Him, the more we can be sure that Jesus is preparing us for an outpouring of grace.
Author’s Note: Excerpt from: The Safe Haven: Scriptural Reflections for the Heart and Home (Ordinary Time Weeks 22-28). To purchase, visit Amazon or The Catholic Company, where all other volumes currently in print are also available.
Photo by Michael Fousert on Unsplash
