There was a time, not too long ago, when everything was falling apart. I felt as though I was being crushed by the circumstances of my life, that there was nowhere to go, no way to make it better. Praise God for giving me the grace to realize that, when everything in my life is falling apart, the true problem is my relationship with God. If circumstances are breaking me, it means my relationship with God is broken.
Even knowing this, I was unable to move forward. I did not know what steps to take. Having been raised Catholic, I was aware of many possibilities, but the sheer number of possible steps made it impossible for me to take even one. I was overwhelmed and exhausted and frozen.
Then one Sunday, God prepared a sermon just for me. It consisted of this: go to Adoration. I remember sitting in the pew, crying and thinking, Okay, I can do that. That is clear, simple, and doable. I began to go to Adoration…and my life has not stopped changing since that moment.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about what froze me: the seemingly unlimited options for prayer and devotion found within the Catholic Faith.
Once God unfroze me by sending me to Adoration (and subsequently to Confession), I began to explore some of these options. Truly, I was like a kid in a candy shop, to borrow a trite idiom. I wanted to do everything. I kept finding more and more good and meaningful things and was trying to fit them all in on a regular basis.
Much like the kid set loose to eat freely of the candy, I soon realized this was not sustainable or healthy. I was getting stressed trying to fit in the Liturgy of the Hours. I was reducing valuable time with my children by reading religious books. I was often distracted, both while praying and while trying to find time to. Many prayers, novenas, devotions, etc. began to be a chore rather than fruitful. Things to get through rather than time spent quietly with God.
At some point, I saw all these good things as handholds on a cliff, stretching from top to bottom, from one side to the other. I realized the goal was to reach the top of the cliff, to spend time with God (now, and hopefully for eternity). The handholds were merely aids in achieving that goal. The ones that had me moving laterally were not helpful. Only the ones that helped me move up. To attempt to use all the handholds was counterproductive; only upward progress mattered.
It is not to say that the ones farther to the left or right were not good. They may be critical for someone else’s path. It is more to say that Our Good Father has allowed us to be showered with an overabundance of good things that help us learn to know and love and serve Him. To help us climb.
Since then, I have prayerfully selected a handful of prayers that I say every day, ideally before I even get out of bed. Later in the day, I pray the Rosary. Once a week, I go to Adoration. I try to have one religious book going at a time, which I read from as time permits. This is what is good for me, here and now. It may not be what is good for another. It may not be what is good for me in a year.
St. Paul exhorts us to “pray always” (1 Thes. 5:17). For some, this may include far more scripted prayer time than it does for others. That does not necessarily mean that the one who completes more “prayers” prays more or is closer to God. One can live in constant dialogue with the Beloved Voice while going about one’s day, as Brother Lawrence so clearly writes about in The Practice of the Presence of God. The essential thing is to find the path that Voice is directing you to follow. Our Mother Church has made it clear that the Sacraments, Scripture, and the Rosary are indispensable. From there, we are called to listen and discern.
I do not mean that anyone should finish reading this thinking they do not need to include dedicated prayer time in their lives. We all absolutely need it. And we have been given so many amazing gifts through the Church and her saints! Those who have gone before are reaching back to help us climb.
This is more for those who, like me, can be overwhelmed by the sheer number of options available. For those who may feel inferior to others because their lives permit less dedicated prayer time (or even worse, those who feel superior to others due to the amount of time they dedicate to prayer). I encourage you to spend time in prayer (before the Blessed Sacrament, if at all possible!) discerning what your prayer life should be. Include spiritual advisors or trusted friends on this journey.
Once you have found what you are asked and able to give, commit! The handful of prayers I say daily can seem overwhelming some days, and like nothing on others. What I feel is not important. I can trust in the process of discernment I have made regarding these prayers. And these are the prayers I have committed to offering every day.
There are many voices in the world besides that of Our Father. Some he has placed in our lives to help guide us. Some are sincere but misguided. Some want you to fall. Let us pray for the grace to be in constant communication with Our God to discern the path that we are given to journey toward Him.
Photo by Jessica Mangano on Unsplash
