I used to think that I was humble…until I entered the seminary and started living with people of different temperaments and attitudes. Then I discovered that I had a lot of pride to deal with.
I thought I was courageous until I faced the reality of clerical scandals and cover-ups in the Church. Then I discovered how easily I gave in to discouragement.
I thought I was patient until I had to drive in traffic. Then I discovered how impatient I was.
What was the lesson that I learned from all these? I learned that it is in relationships that we manifest and form our true characters. There are no true virtues in isolation, completely cut off from others.
This is the truth of God’s plan for us, beginning in the human family. The family is the arena of character formation as the members of that family relate with each other, for “God sets a father in honor over his children, a mother’s authority He confirms over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and preserves himself from them” (Sir. 3:2-3). Purification and mastery over our sins begin in our relationships in the family as we practice respect, honor, kindness, comfort, etc.
Because of our union with Christ, the Christian family becomes a place of cultivating and growing in Christlike virtues, including in “heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another…as the Lord has forgiven you” (Col. 3:12-13).
A Christian family is not just a place where people live together, raise children, pay bills, etc. It is much more than falling in love and wanting to spend your life with someone, bringing children into the world, educating them, and raising them in the Faith. The ongoing formation of Christlike virtues through mutual relationships in the home is essential to what it means to be a Christian family. Christlikeness, or holiness, is its ultimate goal.
We seem to have forgotten or rejected this truth in our day, when many speak about the Catholic Church being open to same-sex unions. What are the Christlike virtues being cultivated in such unions? Where is the call to Christian chastity that seeks to love others for the sake of Christ and not for sexual gratification? How can God purify people from their sins when they are actively and adamantly engaged in those sins, and educating children to follow their example?
We must rekindle this sense of the Christian family as a training ground for saints and not a place to grow in self-indulgence and depravity. If Christlike virtues are not formed in the Christian family, where then would they be formed? The bad characters and vicious behaviors we see today in the Church and in the world are reflections of the vices being cultivated in many families.
The example of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and St. Joseph shows us four beautiful benefits we get from cultivating these Christlike virtues through our relationships in the family.
1. We are united in our families.
The Holy Family is truly united. They are united in what they believe, think, and how they act towards God and each other. We see an example of this unity when Mary and St. Joseph went searching for Jesus. Mary exclaimed to Jesus when she found Him in the temple, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you with great anxiety.” Mary was shocked by Jesus’ actions because she was so used to their living, thinking, and acting together. Mary and St. Joseph endured their search for Jesus together, and they rejoiced together. They also maintained their unity after this painful experience, as “Jesus went with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them” (Lk. 2:41-52). Nothing could separate them.
There can be no unity in our families, communities, and Church when we are not serious about growing in Christlike virtues. All the constant babble in the Church today about journeying together is useless without each member of the faithful seeking personal growth in the virtues of Christ, especially His humble obedience and selfless charity.
2. We grow in holiness.
St. Luke describes the growth of Jesus in these words, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and man” (Lk. 2:52). He grew through His trusting and obedient relationship with Mary and St. Joseph. “He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them” (Lk. 2:51).
We grow in Christlikeness through our wholesome relationships with others. The more that we strive to cultivate these virtues through our relationships, the more we dispose ourselves to be transformed by the grace of God. Jesus Christ has not just redeemed humanity; He has also redeemed human relationships and made them channels of His grace. There is no holiness without the grace of God and our cooperation with that grace through cultivating the virtues.
3. We have the peace of Christ.
We see the inner peace of the Holy Family in the different trials of their lives. Wasn’t Mary at peace when she saw St. Joseph in dilemma over her pregnancy, knowing fully well that she could be stoned to death if he denounced her publicly? Can’t we see the calm in which St. Joseph obeyed the voice of the angels in his dreams? They had inner peace even as their outer world was in chaos.
St. Paul reminds us that we are not just called to live in the family but to seek the peace of Christ in and through our relationships, teaching, “Let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace to which you were also called in one body” (Col. 3:12-17). We have a vocation to true peace through our relationships. Through participation in the virtues of Christ, we allow Him to fill us with His own peace.
4. We become docile to the Spirit of God.
God revealed to the Holy Family the imminent danger of death and told them exactly what to do to avoid the death of the infant Jesus: “Rise, take the child and His mother and flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you. Herod is going to search for the child to destroy Him” (Mt. 2:13). They obeyed without complaining or compromise.
The more that we mature in Christlike virtues, the more docile we will be to God’s inspirations in our lives. We will begin to sense more clearly God’s guidance, leading us away from grave dangers and bringing us to greater holiness and fidelity to Him.
As we remember and celebrate the Holy Family, we are reminded of the power of contemplating Jesus Christ diligently as we live in our families. We can beg Mama Mary to help us contemplate Christ fruitfully in all the mysteries of His life, just like she did: “Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart” (Lk. 2:19). She pondered all these events because she wanted to follow Jesus more perfectly in all the circumstances of her life. Nobody embodied the virtues of Jesus like Mary did. We can learn these virtues from Mary, and she can obtain for us all the graces that we need to practice them and to grow in them in our relationships.
Our Eucharistic Lord does not just share His life with us; He also wants to share all His virtues with us. By the grace of the Eucharist, let us also grow in these Christlike virtues in and through all our relationships. This is God’s unfailing plan for us in our families.
Glory to Jesus!!! Honor to Mary!!!
Photo by Chris Hardy on Unsplash
