A couple of weeks ago I was sitting across the table at lunch with two of my spiritual priest-sons/spiritual fathers. We were discussing a Mass they were going to celebrate later in the day that they invited my daughter and me to (my husband unfortunately had to work). I mentioned that I would like to go to Confession first, and we jokingly debated which of them I should go to Confession with beforehand. One of them in a spirit of both mirth and practicality said to me: “I already know all of your dirt anyway.” The statement was both comical and deeply spiritual.
This priest has seen me at my absolute worst. At one point, the ministry I oversaw required 6-day work weeks and upwards of 60 hours a week for months. It was very intense. I was also battling the insane hormones of perimenopause, which some days left me emotional and irrational against my will, coupled with my chronic health issues. On more than one occasion, I sobbed in his office in utter frustration and other times vented in anger. It wasn’t pretty. He has seen me at my worst, but he still loves me. This is Christian charity. His joking comment was a reassurance that nothing will change in our relationship because he hears my sins in his capacity as my spiritual father.
The same is true for you. Priests want to absolve the sins of their spiritual children. This is the beauty of spiritual paternity, and it is a glimpse of how the Lord loves us and desires to free us from our sins. This is one of the many ways a priest is an alter Christus (another Christ). This is how priests see their role in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is not a spirit of condemnation and judgment, but rather, a spirit of love and mercy.
His comment reminded me of the truth about Confession that many Catholics fail to understand. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a profound gift priests want to give to Christ’s people, but too many people stay away. Sin is boring. In fact, many priests have told me that sin is monotonous because we are not as original as we think we are when it comes to the sins we commit. The sins we obsessively worry about in the Confession line are no more shocking than anyone else’s sins. In fact, it’s hard to shock priests who have heard a lot of Confessions. They hear it all on a weekly basis.
More than anything, this is how Christ’s love is poured out in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The Lord knows all the darkest places within us. He knows the terrible choices we make, the wounds we carry, the sins we are prone to, habitual sins, addictions, personality flaws, and total failings. Even so, He still loves us. He wants to forgive us and heal us in Confession.
He knows we need to be transformed, and this beautiful sacrament works at sanctifying us and freeing us from sin over time. We are absolved of our sins in that moment, but we are also strengthened to combat sin in our daily lives. We fail repeatedly, but the Lord always wants to pour out His mercy upon us no matter how often we fall. He does this through His priests.
A priest with the Good Shepherd’s Heart knows we are weak and broken. He knows we are sinners. It is one of the many reasons he chose to answer God’s call to become a priest. He wants to reach into the darkness, muck, and banality of sin in our lives to be an instrument of Christ’s healing mercy. Priests share in the power of Christ’s Cross and resurrection every time they bring a sinner dead in mortal sin back to spiritual life and back into Christ’s fold in the Church.
For those who really struggle with going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation with priests because of various anxieties, I want to share a few things I’ve learned about priests and this incredible sacrament over the years. Here are some common concerns:
I don’t want Father to recognize my voice.
A lot of people I talk to who do not like going to Confession are worried the priest will recognize their voice through the screen. If a priest knows you well enough, he may recognize your voice, and he may not. When the line is long, and they are focused on their penitents, they don’t spend a lot of time analyzing whose Confession they are hearing, especially if that person chose anonymity behind the screen. I am a very regular penitent and often find if I go behind the screen the priest has no idea who I am. One of the great strengths of men is they don’t tend to analyze these things deeply. They can compartmentalize well.
The enemy of our souls wants to keep us from going to Confession. He will put up every block possible to fill our hearts and minds with anxiety and worry. Even if the priest recognizes your voice, he is not spending a lot of time thinking about it. It is irrelevant. From a spiritual perspective, it’s also time to confront the sinful pride and vanity that leads to these worries. We are there to be forgiven of our sins by Christ through His priest. It doesn’t matter what the priest thinks of us personally.
I don’t want Father to see my sins when he talks to me.
This concern is a big one for many people. Since the Sacrament of Reconciliation is a place of total honesty and vulnerability, it is difficult to share the darkest places within us with Christ through the ordained man sitting in the confessional. The Sacrament of Holy Orders comes with many great graces for the men ordained to be priests when they are conferring the sacraments. With the Lord, the priest is there to forgive the sins of the penitent and to draw us back on the path of metanoia and holiness. The Lord does not condemn those who are truly penitent. He tells them they are forgiven and to go and sin no more.
The priest is not there to match a sin with the person. He is there to absolve sins. I frequently go to Confession with priests I am close to even though they will hear about my greatest sins and failings. They already know my faults because we have a relationship beyond the sacrament. Going to Confession with one of them has never impacted our relationship. I consider it a profound gift that I can walk into the confessional to encounter Christ’s mercy through the priest, and then we can walk out and grab coffee as if nothing has happened. Many priests have told me that one of the graces of the sacrament is that they forget people’s sins immediately.
This means that your priest is not ruminating on your sins when he is talking to you at the parish dinner or a ministry meeting. He has completely forgotten them. The only sins he is going to remember are any you commit against him personally outside of the confessional. You can be at ease that any priest who is truly committed to his identity as healer through the Sacrament of Reconciliation is not concerned with the sins you confessed. They have been forgiven and cast into the burning flames of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus.
I am always confessing the same sins over and over again.
This is true for all of us, including priests themselves. They must confess their sins to a brother priest, and they also confess the same sins over and over again. We are fallen and prone to sin. Due to our particular make up, we are prone to certain sins. Each person has specific sins they find the most difficult to combat. You and I are not unique. The last thing any priest would want is for a penitent to stop coming because they are confessing the same sins over and over again.
To give up going to Confession because we struggle with the same sins for years is to fall into the sin of despair. It is to turn from Christ’s merciful gaze inward to our own pride and desire for control. Our progress in the spiritual life is first and foremost up to Him. We cooperate with His grace, but He is the one who transforms us through regular Confession. Don’t stop going to Confession! The priest wants you to keep coming because he knows the Lord is working to transform you and me even if we can’t sense it.
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a profound gift of healing, mercy, and love from Our Lord. He has given us priests with the power to absolve our sins. We should run to the Lord frequently to experience these graces. Do not let any anxiety or hidden pride keep you from going to this powerhouse sacrament. The priest is not there to judge you or keep tally of your sins and faults. He is there to be the face of Love and Mercy.
Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash
