Occasionally, children face insults and unfair attacks from others. These can range from physical bullying to making fun of one’s physical attributes, intelligence, skin color, social awkwardness, financial status, clothing, religion, etc. Overbearing parents and adults with high expectations can create problems for their children as well. Sometimes, these belittling behaviors can impact a person well into adulthood.
However, these disparaging behaviors and comments can become occasions for holiness. God’s grace and our cooperation with it can turn childhood issues and even traumas into opportunities for forgiveness, mercy, and growth in grace. Accordingly, this article will provide some guidance on how to do this.
Example
I would guess that everyone reading this article has experienced an insult that left an impression on their memories. It was something you will likely never forget. Perhaps you rarely recall the comment or incident, but it lingers in your subconscious.
I can remember someone once asking me why I was not as smart as another elementary school student. What could the young me have said to this except “I don’t know”? It was not something I was prepared to hear.
As I grew older, I could have looked at this insult with despair, thinking that I could never be as smart as that other person. Or I could have used it as an opportunity to study, make better grades, and pursue a life worth living. Thanks be to God, I did the latter. But it would have been easy for me to do the former, and many people go this route.
However, no matter which path one journeys down, one can always choose to use the insult or incident to grow in grace. This begins with forgiveness.
Forgiveness
When we forgive someone, we imitate Jesus who, while suffering excruciating pain on the Cross, said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” And we imitate the Father who forgives. Our salvation is partially dependent on our duty to forgive others, and, by doing so, we remove the wall of enmity just as God does for us when He forgives. Jesus makes this clear in the Gospel of Matthew.
Immediately after Jesus gives us the Our Father, which teaches us to forgive, Jesus says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Mt. 6:9-15).
Forgiveness is the removal of enmity between two or more parties. So, when we forgive someone, we do our part to restore friendship with that person. This does not mean that we must forget what the person did or pretend it was not a big deal. Rather, by removing division/hostility we begin the process of healing ourselves and, perhaps, the offender too.
However, forgiveness is not our only response to insults. We can also use them as opportunities to grow in virtue.
Virtue
Using the example above, I could have held grudges, grown bitter and resentful, and become an ill-tempered person. But this would have made me vicious and would have created within me a spiritual disposition hostile to grace.
Conversely, I can ask God to accept the insult as penance for my own careless and sometimes insulting remarks. If the insult or behavior I experienced was especially grievous, I can ask God to accept it as a perpetual prayer for others who have experienced abuse.
By doing these things, I dispose my soul to grace by creating a habit of replacing or rejecting the resentment, bitterness, and hostility with prayer, peace, and trust in God. Eventually, a joy that far exceeds the anger that could have so easily seeped into my soul will manifest itself.
If I use the remarks as motivation to seek good things, then whenever thoughts about the insult arise, I can create the habit of thanking God for helping me to turn something hurtful into something helpful.
Finally, we can also do good for the one who has offended us. St. Paul provides us with wisdom here.
Scripture
In Romans 12:14, Paul instructs us to bless those who persecute us, and in verse 20 he adds that, by giving aid to our persecutors, we “heap burning coals” on their heads. Accordingly, our forgiveness and good deeds will put them to shame. However, this response to antagonism must not be the ultimate purpose of our actions.
In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Paul writes about a time in which Jesus told him that He makes His power perfect in our weaknesses. Consequently, Paul says that for the sake of Christ, he is content with insults, hardships, and persecutions because when he is weak, the power of Christ makes him strong. In other words, hardships become opportunities for grace to fill our souls even more, and this should be the ultimate purpose of our actions because a soul that seeks grace seeks perfect communion with God.
Full of Grace
By doing the things I mentioned, we can remove inclinations to hostility, revenge, resentment, and apathy that prevent grace from fully permeating our souls. As the inclinations subside and eventually disappear, grace fills the voids they leave behind. When grace fills all the voids, we become full of grace.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1472, states, “A conversion which proceeds from a fervent charity can attain the complete purification of the sinner . . .” A conversion that proceeds from fervent charity is one in which the person is so inclined to God and His will that he is no longer attracted or inclined to sin. This is complete purification when we couple it with doing good out of love for God first and then our neighbor as ourselves.
Caution
Please do not infer from the foregoing that we or our children should be pushovers. In many cases, we need to hold the offender accountable. For children, this may mean confronting the child and/or telling an adult.
If the problem is criminal, we may need to seek justice. For example, if someone steals a thousand dollars from you, forgiveness does not negate their duty to repay you. If circumstances dictate (e.g., a repeat offender) one should pursue justice through the courts even after forgiving the person.
Additionally, there are extreme cases of psychological or physical violence perpetrated against some in our society. For those who experience this, my advice is still relevant; however, counseling may be necessary as well.
Author’s Note: For additional articles:
- For more on how suffering can be meritorious, please read this article.
- To better understand why punishment may remain after forgiveness, please click here.
- Please click here for more on meriting grace.
- To see why God punishes us for sins He “forgets,” please check out this article.
Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash
