Over my fifteen years creating content for my blogs, website, and YouTube channels, I’ve encountered many people from 12-step programs. One of the more shocking statements I’ve heard is that some are “grateful for their addiction.” This idea seemed bizarre to me for many years as I struggled with my own addictions.
In the comment section of one of my videos, a subscriber asked, “Why do so many former addicts become Jesus freaks?” I responded that the slavery of addiction brought us to the end of our own self-reliance, where true freedom in Christ is found. This is a freedom that many, addicted and otherwise, don’t think they need until they are brought low by the gift of suffering.
In the book Why All People Suffer, Dr. Paul Chaloux speaks about suffering as an “evil detector.” He writes:
[Suffering] needs to be persistent and uncomfortable, to warn us of the threat from evil and motivate us to take action to eliminate it…Suffering itself is not evil: it is an evil detector, put in place by a loving God to protect us from evil, in the same way that a smoke detector is designed to protect us from fire.
This idea changed how I viewed my present suffering and helped me see the good that had come from those in my past, brought on by myself and others. It also altered the way I see others’ suffering, stirring in me the desire to share the good news that God, through Dr. Chaloux’s books, has shown me.
In the same book, Dr. Chaloux describes his battle with hepatitis C and his diagnosis of Parkinson’s as events that were, and are, very dark times in his life—yet sources of tremendous blessings at the same time. He talks about the grace given him by Jesus to see his suffering in this way, and his choice to say, “Thank you, Jesus. Yes, I will choose to see these events through Your eyes.”
This “choosing” is the key. He chose to see things differently and thereby lives his suffering with a certain amount of freedom. I want the same freedom for all who are still in some form of slavery and for those who have been freed but continue to be mentally and spiritually enslaved. Choosing to see events in our lives this way is a slow process.
In my own life, I’ve been offered the same grace as Dr. Chaloux, and I’ve slowly said yes to it. I was mistreated and bullied by many people as a child. My dad was often a little too rough in his treatment of me, and my mom was a little too soft. I became an alcoholic, pothead, homosexual, gamer, porn user, and materialist. All these things left me empty, as did my anger over my mistreatment and perceived or actual losses. I turned to Christ and His Church and now have supportive, loving relationships with my family. I was able to reconcile with my father before he died early last year and have a stronger relationship with my mom, brother, and his family.
Those who bullied me were primarily white men, so I wanted nothing to do with “them,” which was highly problematic considering I am one of “them.” I have come to see people as individuals who, while responsible for their terrible choices, are also wounded people who act in ways that make them feel better but harm others. I choose to forgive rather than be angry for the rest of my life. I use my ability to communicate and think differently, which came in part through my suffering, to help others. Dr. Chaloux’s suffering brought him to where he is, as did mine, but only once we were willing to see the evil in our lives as what helped get us to the good.
To choose not to see the good that the suffering of evil has brought to our lives leaves us stuck in spiritual and emotional slavery. As Dr. Chaloux says in his second book, Dying Without Fear:
…it is a sign of [God’s] love and mercy, that He uses evil, suffering, and death to lead us to share in His divine nature, and to live with Him forever in joy and happiness. What we perceive as detrimental to us in the short term is actually medicinal in the long term…The obvious solution to the problem of evil is that God must be able to use evil and suffering to bring about the salvation of man…
God has done this through the evil and suffering in Dr. Chaloux’s life and mine because we interacted with the grace we were offered to see through Jesus’ eyes. He offers the same to those with cancer, those who have had a loved one commit suicide, those who have been raped or molested, and those who were owned by other people. Seeing the goodness that came through the evil and suffering in our lives is a gift from God available to all. Why All People Suffer and Dying Without Fear are excellent guides to this freedom.
Why would Jesus put us through such dangerous trials that bring horrible suffering when He is supposed to be so loving? There has to be some other way. Since we know He is love incarnate, then it seems clear that there is no other way to save us. Our sinful lives do tremendous damage to us. Damage so severe that just one mortal sin separates us from Christ (CCC 1861). There is no pleasant way out of the reality that to be freed requires a lifelong battle that often involves extreme suffering.
Anyone is the slave of that by which he has been overcome. (2 Pet. 2:9-22)
Many of us who think ourselves free are still slaves, just to a different master. I spent years a slave to alcohol, marijuana, sex, and violent entertainment. However, once Jesus began His work in me, instead of rejoicing in His freedom and seeking to understand the choices that led me into slavery, I focused on those whom I considered responsible for my wounds, those which I treated by engaging in enslaving behaviors. I wanted to hold them accountable. I traded my slavery to substances for slavery to blame, resentment, and rage.
Over the last 10 years, through living a sacramental life, Catholic therapy, and support groups like the Courage apostolate, I’ve had my spiritual eyes opened to the beauty and goodness in my life. I’m able, by God’s grace, not only to see the good in my current freedom but also in my slavery. I would not be the good man, striving for greatness, that I am today without the wounds of the terrible crosses of being bullied, becoming an addict, and living as a gay man. These experiences led to having my heart torn open so Jesus could get a foothold.
We have no choice in the tools Christ uses to divinize us, only how we respond to them. We must submit to Jesus, without resentment or the desire for revenge and payback. We need to see the good in our crosses. Lord, please help us to do so.
Photo by Zulmaury Saavedra on Unsplash
